Losing someone you love can be a shattering experience, leaving the person left behind feeling shocked, depressed, helpless, angry or financially insecure - and often a mixture of several of these emotions.

Over 600,000 people die every year in the UK, leaving at least 1.5 million people suffering a major bereavement. Some people find that their life continues as normal fairly quickly afterwards; for others the pain seems unending and unendurable. Many bereaved people feel that no one else understands what they are going through and that their grief will never go away. This is a very common response and not one to be ashamed of, but if you are still feeling depressed after a year, or if your depression is so debilitating that you are unable to work or face other people, you could consider seeing your doctor.

Don't be ashamed if you are suffering in this way - there are people and resources which can help you come to terms with your grief. Some organisations offer advice and assistance to help you with the practicalities of living alone, others help by simply listening and acting as a sympathetic shoulder to cry on.

Don't feel you have to rush all the arrangements. You may appreciate some time to reflect on how you really want to say farewell to the deceased person.

Perhaps the best piece of advice is not to take any major life decisions - such as moving house or changing jobs - for a year after your bereavement. Even if your present environment holds too many associations with the person you have lost, a drastic change in your life now could, in the long term, prove stressful and expensive.

Who can I talk to?

Cruse Bereavement Care offers counselling to all bereaved people, via group sessions, individual counselling or telephone support. It can also provide practical advice.
Tel 0181 332 7227: 9.30 - 5.00, Monday to Friday

National Association of Bereavement Services will put you in touch with support schemes, befrienders and counsellors in your area. The helpline is on Tel 0171 247 1080 and is staffed between 10.00 and 4.00, Monday to Friday.

Compassionate Friends is an organisation for bereaved parents and other family members and also runs groups for parents of murdered children and for those whose friends or relatives have committed suicide. The helpline is on Tel 0117 953 9639.

The Samaritans run a national helpline for anyone in distress Tel 0345 909090
Their web site can be accessed on www.samaritans.org.uk

The Foundation for the Study of Infant Deaths can offer help to those who have lost a baby.
24 hour helpline on 0171 235 1721

SANDS (Stillbirth and Neonatal Death Society) is a self-help organisation for parents bereaved by a stillbirth.
Helpline on 0171 436 5881

Lesbian and Gay Bereavement Project helps lesbians and gay men whose partners have died. Face-to-face counselling and telephone support are available.
Helpline on Tel 0181 455 8894

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Where can I find practical help?

National Association of Widows is a small organisation which offers information on a wide range of issues of concern to widows, including pensions and benefits.
Tel 0121 643 8348

The Rights of Women is a group of solicitors which offers free telephone advice to women.
Helpline on 0171 251 6577

Age Concern England and Age Concern Scotland publish information sheets on a wide range of topics of interest to older people including arranging a funeral [this is independent of their commercial funeral plan subsidiary].
Age Concern England Astral House
1268 London Road
London SW16 4ER
Tel: (0181) 679 8000
e-mail: infodep@ace.org.uk

Age Concern Northern Ireland 3 Lower Crescent
Belfast BT7 1NR
Tel. (01232) 245729

Age Concern Cymru
4th Floor
1 Cathedral Road
Cardiff CF1 9SD
Tel. (01222) 371566

Age Concern Scotland
113 Rose Street
Edinburgh EH2 3DT
Tel. (0131) 220 3345

http://www.ace.org.uk/

The British Humanist Association can help you arrange a personal humanist funeral service
Helpline 0990 168122

The Natural Death Centre advises on family-organised funerals
Tel 0181 208 2853

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How can I help someone else who is grieving?

Let them talk openly about their loved one and show them you're not embarrassed by their tears or strong emotions

Phone or write regularly

Continue inviting the bereaved person to events you would have invited them to beforehand

Offer practical help, for instance with shopping, gardening, transport, looking after children for an afternoon

Be aware of any cultural differences in etiquette following a death. For example, in the Jewish and Muslim faiths, the body is buried within 24 hours of death, though you may be expected to visit the family in the week that follows.

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Further Reading

Cruse has a booklist of leaflets and books. Contact Cruse Bereavement Care, 126 Sheen Road, Richmond, Surrey, TW9 1UR, Tel 0181 940 4818

'The Courage to Grieve' by Judy Tatelbaum, price £5.99, covers many aspects of grief and mourning

'Healing Grief' by Barbara Ward is a self-help approach to loss and bereavement.

'Facing Grief' by Susan Wallbank contains chapters written specifically for those aged between 18 and 28 who are grieving.

'When Parents Die' by Rebecca Abrams

'The Bereaved Parent' by Harriet Sarnoff Schiff

" When the Person You Care for Has Died"
produced by the Samaritans and Carers National Association
Carers National Assocation
Carersline: 0345 573369
20/25 Glasshouse Yard
London EC1A 4JS

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