V

Vernacular, n., adj.

That horrid rubbish the common people insist on speaking instead of what we, the linguists, tell them is proper.

Virgin, n.

One unacquainted with sexual disappointments.

Capitalized. Mary of Nazareth (aka "the Blessed Virgin Mary," or "the BVM" for short), the plaintiff in a paternity case still ramifying to the present day. The fetus in question was adopted by the plaintiff's legal husband and named Yeshua ben Yosef. Upon the occasion of the infant's baptism (at the tender age of thirty), the Defendant is reported to have finally acknowledged His paternity before witnesses, claiming to be "well pleased".

(In a related story, the officiant at the baptism later lost his head over a girl. Her father, King Harrod, is commemorated by having a department store named after him. Biblical study is replete with such mysteries.)

Virtual, adj.

The opposite of real. Virtual reality: True lies; concrete abstractions; genuine simulations. A computer simulation in which the numbers are really convincing. Douglas Crockford reports, "The present state of the art in virtual reality is like wearing rented bowling shoes on your face."

Vote, v.

An opportunity to piss in the ocean in the hope of affecting the tide.

Vulgar, adj.

Etymologically, this word means "popular." See also Spelling, Aaron.

Tue, Oct 7, 1997 dave@fqa.com
Copyright © Dave Krieger 1994-1997.

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